Im 16, 17 in april and in college and i just im not really enjoying it its not really the lessons or anything just the whole experience it itself i thought it was going to be very different, but anyway getting back to the point!
I have had a thing with this guy for about 3 years now, and being that young we have shared a lot with eachother. We were best friends, and in a sense i basically grew up with him i guess really we formed eachother and helped eachother in a number of ways, i fell in love i guess.. and writing this always gets my eyes going but i honestly cant imagine finding anyone better than him. He was complicated, and very closed he had never let anyone in before but he opened up to me, and i know that i meant the world to him.
About 6months ago now things just started changing, he changed i had noticed it for a long time but tried my best to brush it off. Hes the year above, so as i have come up to college he is in the second year and he just changed he is so different, turned into something ugly only cares about himself and how he looks, sort of like the person he was before he met me and he basically messed me around for the past 6months. one minute he hates me, next he wants it, next im this, then im that. And i honestly cannot keep track of the amount i have cried over him, im tired.. and i just feel so worthless. Like im trying to get through to someone who clearly just isnt responding. I know we could be so happy if he just put the effort in but how do you make someone? how can you make someone realise? you cant and ive tried and tried all the phone calls, and the long messages but he just doesnt get it.
My friends havent been in proper relationships, and they just dont understand. My mum just i dont know we talk but she doesnt i dont think she gets that i love him? and how much i feel? she just uses the whole your young etc. And i know that? of course i want to have fun, and just be young but i cant with the way i feel about it all.
I just feel a bit at witts end right now i guess, worn out and just drained with my emotions about everything. I try to talk but he wont listen so i cant do anymore.
I cant figure out how to let it all go? Even when i talk to someone else, hes there in the back of my mind? I want to just get on with things, but its just harder than it seems i guess..
I know that nothing can really help just time i guess.
Dear Angel,
Sometimes we fall in love at the most unexpected times and you can't help who you love. However you can make the decision if you want to continue loving this person or not. Most of the time we forget that even when you fall so deeply in love with someone you still have control over your own life and decisions you make regarding you. You are so use to thinking of the other person in everything that you do, you tend to lose yourself. I do understand when you have been with someone so long and you've shared the most intimate and personal things with one another its seems like you have found your soul mate and there will never be another that could take the persons place. But rest assured you will have many relationships, that will conform to the person you are at the time.
Its very obvious that you are the person in this relationship who is still trying to hold to what you have left of it and trying to make it work, but there is a problem you are trying to make it work with someone who is not willing to put forth the same effort. And in a relationship when you have one who is willing to work at it and the other is not, the relationship will drag on for months or maybe even years because you are not willing to let go.
Yes time is the only thing that will heal what you are going thru and I think, No, I know you know exactly what you have to do, you just don't want to admit it to yourself, that will take some time for you to come to terms with. Be true to yourself. Evaluate the situation. THINK ABOUT YOURSELF FOR ONCE NOT HIM AND HOW HES FEELING YOU ARE WHATS MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU RIGHT NOW.
You need to stand up for yourself and take of yourself. You need to decide whether or not you want to continue with the way things are going in this relationship because like you said you cant change a person you can only change yourself and what you want to do. Take control of your life again make the decisions that will make you happy. Once you start to do those things everything else will fall into place.
But for now until you can get over some of the hurt and confusion in your life. Make yourself feel beautiful, dress up put make up on, do your hair in a fabulous style, even if you are just going to the market or to the library to study it will lift your spirits. FIND THINGS TO KEEP YOU OCCUPIED. Go out with friends if they invite you or make up your own activities and invite your friends out with you. EVEN IF YOU DONT FEEL LIKE IT MAKE YOURSELF GO OUT. Go visit family surround yourself with people who do love you so you can get that nurturing that you are missing from him to fill that void. Keeping yourself busy with distractions, yes at first it will only be for a little while but eventually the distractions will turn from a short ones to a longer ones and before you know it he wont be the first and last thing on your mind so much anymore.
As far as your friends and family are concerned with how you handle this situation. Dont worry about how they feel so much or if they think your too young or being too dramatic. You know how you feel and only you will be able to understand that totally. So dont beat yourself up and take your time your only human and we have all been thru a heartbreak or two in our lives.
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